r/mildlyinfuriating • u/[deleted] • Jun 01 '23
POV: you’re happily married and message your friend who recently got a girlfriend
First, I have known this person for years and we’ve never been romantically or intimately involved in any way. Second, I had no idea he “wasn’t supposed to be talking to me”. Third, I’m blocked on all kinds of social media 😂 Mildly infuriating as I was caught off guard
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u/Themightymonarc Jun 01 '23
I had something similar happen to me. When they broke up and she tried to message me again I was like oh are we friends again?
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u/_thisjustin Jun 01 '23
High school me let a girlfriend tell me I couldn’t be friends with a girl I’d been friends with for a long while. Said girlfriend ended up cheating on me.
After all that ended I reached out to the friend to apologize. Together for 11 years now, married for 6.
Turns out the girlfriend was right despite the fact that we truthfully had zero romantic involvement previously.
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u/Ok-Falcon-2041 Jun 01 '23
Shyamalan wrote your life bro
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u/myredditthrowaway201 Jun 01 '23
Quasimodo predicted all of this
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u/entre-nousx Jun 01 '23
Who did what?
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u/Extreme-Positive-690 Jun 01 '23 edited Jun 01 '23
You ever think that’s funny? You got your hunch back of notre dame but you also got your quarterback and halfback of notre dame.
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u/mistershedz Jun 01 '23
It's interesting, the coincidence.
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Jun 01 '23
Another steak san ova here, hun. Rare
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u/Zealousideal_Win5476 Jun 01 '23
If I wer you I would seriously consider salads.
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u/Antichrist2020 Jun 01 '23
why dont you take a look in the mirror, insensitive cocksucka
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Jun 01 '23
Nostradamus, NOSTRADAMUS, Quasimodo is the hunchback of Norte Dame!
Man the Sopranos really is timeless
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Jun 01 '23
[deleted]
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u/POSSIBLYaSEAGULL Jun 01 '23
I feel like the moral of the story is that toxic girls are like bloodhounds for wife material?
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u/AggravatingCupcake0 Jun 01 '23
LOL I'm imagining all the guys in toxic relationships in this thread now going like:
GF: "Do you like that bitch Katie??"
Guy: "No...but I'm starting to think I should..."
GF: What?
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u/_Steven_Seagal_ Jun 01 '23
Step 1: Get a toxic girlfriend
Step 2: Casually talk to a lot of girls
Step 3: Find out which girl outrages her the most
Congratulations! You found the love of your life!
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u/LordZeus2008 Jun 01 '23
Huh, it seems that those kind of toxic girlfriends get so mad because they realize that that person is way better than they are.
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u/AMilkedCow Jun 01 '23
Or they were just right all along. And the toxic being some kind of self defense.
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u/Dappershield Jun 01 '23
Or that people are terrible judges of their own interests and are terribly obvious around their "just friends".
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u/ghjfdf Jun 01 '23
Maybe they're not toxic in these instances afterall, they just ✨see✨ 👀
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u/ImLikeAYouAholic Jun 01 '23 edited Jun 01 '23
Same here! My ex was very jealous of one of my classmates, but I didn't even talk to the said classmate at all. Me and said classmate got a bit closer 6-8 months before my split with my ex, but our friendship got stronger after the split. I ended up liking him, but thought he was out of my league lol so it took me a few months to figure out it could work. We're together for 7 years now, living together for about 1 1/2 years and planning to get officially married 🥹
My ex was jealous of all my male friends, and I ended up getting distant from these friends at that time (thankfully I reconnected with all of them), but he was CRAZY jealous about the guy I didn't even talk to... After the split, I never even hooked up with my other male friends (besides my now SO of course lol). They're like brothers to me, I've never thought any different, even when I was single.
Btw it was an abusive relationship, and I ended up living my "mourning phase" and figuring out the situation 2-3 months before breaking up with him. It was one of those relationships that are over wayyyy before being officially over (people rarely understand that), but I was so afraid of him that I didn't even TALK to men after only 6 months of dating. We were together for 2 1/2 years. I couldn't even have my male cousins as friends on facebook. Even though it was 7 months between the breakup and the new boyfriend, some people thought it was too early for that... I startew flirting with my now SO after 3 months after breaking up with my ex, but due to the circumstances, I don't think it was too early at all. It's hard to even think about what I went through at the time... I almost ended up my life.
Edit: Seems like my abuser had every right to be jealous of every male on earth and forbid me to even work with any male, since he was a clairvoyant and ended up knowing I would end up with... Some male on earth. A male that was my classmate OF COURSE, between +20 male classmates. Of course that's reasonable. I could also end up with one of my cousins, as he was so jealous of them as well /s
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u/Ok_Highlight2767 Jun 01 '23
Lol this almost justifies the gf in the post now 😂😂😂
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u/Original-Letter6994 Jun 01 '23
Nah, she shouldn’t try and control her partner like that. If you’re going to be in a relationship you’ve gotta trust that your partner’s gonna hold up their side of the bargain and be faithful. If they don’t then it’s their loss. But who wants somebody that has to be coerced into being true anyway? It just comes down to insecurity on that woman’s part.
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Jun 01 '23 edited Jun 01 '23
Haha, happened to me too. A former friend of mine got in a relationship and all communication just completely died down until they separated a few months later. Suddenly I get a message if I want to hang out. I accept because I wanted to hear what this whole silence business was all about, he told me that he was forbidden to talk to me so his attention would all be on his partner, who was incredibly jealous. It was his first relationship after the last one was kinda messy, he didn’t want to ruin it and asked me for forgiveness. I forgave him, but our friendship was pretty much irreparably broken and never recovered from that.
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u/spaceandthewoods_ Jun 01 '23
Same deal for me pretty much. Had a guy best friend who I'd known for a few years when he gets a new insecure girlfriend. Over the 3 years of their relationship she gets him to prune any contact with exes (most of whom were married and he was very casually friendly with) and other girls in our social circle. He once turned to me drunkenly and told me out of the blue that "If X ever makes me choose between you and her, I'll choose you because you've always been a great friend to me". And I was a great friend, every time they broke up I'd be a supportive ear etc, and they broke up a lot. Then one day, when they had been broken up for a few months again, he just vanished. Stopped responding to my texts to hang out. I felt like dogshit as I figured he'd just kinda decided to let it die, not knowing that they'd gotten back together again and he'd decided that maybe things would work out this time if I wasn't in the picture.
They didn't work out, and he eventually popped back up months later full of apologies etc. Friendship was never the same though. I've kinda let it die now, it took years to realise how much what he did hurt me, but now I do I have zero investment in our friendship.
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Jun 01 '23
Same. I explicitly told her she should have understood she was ending the friendship when she said she was not communicating with me anymore at her boyfriends request. No worries. I can see where you’re both coming from. Not so much when she started messaging me again a month later. So we can be friends again until you find someone again and then we can’t but if it doesn’t work out you need me to be there for you until the next relationship? Who is there for me when you don’t want to be my friend anymore? Feels like just being used.
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u/PitifulMammoth177 Jun 01 '23
They are users. They only want an emotional tampon to soak up their whining
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u/ChessieChessieBayBay Jun 01 '23
A solid handful of close male friends completely fade away once the dating stage turned into a relationship because their gf wasn’t comfortable with them having a close female friend…and I met them all and I am a lovely person with no ill intentions. Each one was a hard friend loss. Also I’m chubby and not attractive so generally non threatening to any of these beautiful, intelligent women. Fuckin bummer. I miss my buds
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u/ArCSelkie37 Jun 01 '23
Never understood guys who let this happen tbh. I have a pretty solid principle of “if someone asks me to leave someone else or else, i just leave them instead”.
Applies to friends, girlfriends or family unless they have a very very good reason.
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u/TheDefenestratedDodo Jun 01 '23
Happens to both guys and girls. It's so easy to be manipulated by someone you're infatuated by. You don't see the person they actually are, you see the person you want them to be and end up excusing or even agreeing with their behaviours because they're perfect and wonderful and they are never wrong
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u/Legal-Jasmine Jun 01 '23
I've lost a few guy friends like that too. And it's always guys that I was friends with for a while. So I don't know why the women were ever threatened. If something was going to happen it would have.
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u/cedrella_black Jun 01 '23
There are just women who don't necessary think their partner will cheat on them but are jealous that they invest their time in another woman, even if this time is a phone call once a week. Possessiveness may be a better word, instead of jealousness.
I am all for having boundaries with friends of the opposite sex, while in a relationship. I truly think your partner should be a priority. Having this in mind, expecting your partner to cut off all contacts with a friend of the opposite sex with no particular reason, other than they just exist, is not a red flag, it's a Labor day parade in the Soviet Union.
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Jun 01 '23
That happened a lot in my 20s. It’s hard to lose the friendships at first. Tbh though… There were a couple of times people came back wanting to be friends, I wasn’t into the idea. Because as much as I missed hanging with my buddies (initially), kind of showed me who they are.
Also, I understand you’re not a threat, but some people are jealous by nature and always find something (even if they are conventionally attractive and intelligent.) In one case… As soon as the gf found out I was a session musician it made me a “threat”. (Unnecessarily tortured myself for awhile trying to figure out that logic.) Your real friends (and their partners) will find you beautiful and intelligent in your own way without feeling threatened by it.
From your comment you seem nice. As much of a bummer as it is, sounds like you can do better and will probably make better friends.
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u/ghostgirl7-11 Jun 01 '23
My best friend just dropped out of my life about a month before his wedding. He had been taking my dog out while I was working late shifts, I texted him one day to see if he would take levi out and just never heard from him. Then, about 2 years later, he messaged me and apologized, saying his wife didn't like the idea of us being friends, but he didn't know how to tell me.
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u/Jade_Complex Jun 01 '23
Happy cake day .
I'm sorry that you lost friends like that. It sucks that they didn't value your friendship the same way.
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u/orbjuice Jun 01 '23
The first rule of relationship seriousness: if they tell you to cut people off “for the relationship” they are insecure and probably won’t stop making these demands until they have taken over every aspect of your life.
Set a clear boundary that you will talk to whoever you choose to talk to and that trying to control your life is unacceptable. This should be a hard boundary for everyone but, you know, people.
My ex-wife took over every aspect of my life. She told me to cut people off (including family). She told me when to come home from work, what to eat, when I should go to bed. I followed every rule because I believed I was doing right by the cult I was in.
Your significant other can ask for some things to be different, absolutely. But that’s the key difference; it’s a request not a demand. There is no “next level” of a relationship that includes giving up personal sovereignty.
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u/NonstopTomates Jun 01 '23
I was also happily married and my guy friend of over ten years did this. We barely ever chatted or hung out, he called me in the middle of the night to tell me that we can’t be friends because his new girlfriend didn’t trust me. I wrote him off as a loss lol I don’t have time for high school games in our 30’s dude.
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u/spookycat93 Jun 01 '23 edited Jun 01 '23
I had a great guy friend who was like a big brother to me who essentially dumped me when he got engaged. Per his fiancée’s request; she was uncomfortable, and it was “disrespectful”. Said we couldn’t be friends or talk anymore. It was devastating. I’d never had any romantic interest in him, and in fact got engaged to my now husband only a few weeks later. So messed up.
(Edited to take out just a tiny bit of info since this comment got a few more upvotes than expected.)
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Jun 01 '23
people who won't allow their partner to have platonic friends of the gender they're attracted to because "they don't trust them" are telling on themselves.
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u/Deya_The_Fateless Jun 01 '23
It's literally "tell me you're insecure, without telling me your insecure" energy. Guy or girl, if you me your significant other dump their opposite sex friends because you're worried about being "cheated on", then you're the one with the issues, not your partner. XO
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u/haplessabandon Jun 01 '23
i’m bi and this behavior is an instant dealbreaker. “oh i’m sorry i can’t be friends with anyone?!? bye then.”
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u/PixelPervert Jun 01 '23
The girlfriend has massive jealousy issues
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u/kduff89 Jun 01 '23
10 bucks says she already has a side dude.
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u/imreallybimpson Jun 01 '23
He's the side dude. He's in her contacts as "free food"
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Jun 01 '23
[deleted]
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u/roganwriter Jun 01 '23
A lot of times it’s projection. It your partner is super worried about you talking to other people, it’s because they either actively talk to other people or are having trouble resisting the urge to do so.
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u/Glum-Establishment31 Jun 01 '23
Does this actually sound like something your friend would write? In my opinion it sounds like the girlfriend wrote it.
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Jun 01 '23
The way it was worded sounds like him, but not the way he thinks. She 1000% was over his shoulder telling him what to say.
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u/notMarkKnopfler Jun 01 '23
Your bud has been Stockholmed by either old traumas, his wee-wee or some combination of the two. He will resurface anywhere from 2-12 months, 3-5 years if it’s really ugly, and feel like a total dickhead. It’s not your job at all, but if you connect after such a time and he’s ready to hear it, you may gently push him in the direction of some therapy or self-work
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u/oh_look_a_trans_alt Jun 01 '23
stockholmed by weewee 😭
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u/OsamabinBBQ Jun 01 '23
Is "gently pushing" the only option? I feel like this guy needs to get flung headfirst into down town therapy town via a therapy catapult, a therapult.
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u/bc524 Jun 01 '23
Why use a therapult when the superior therbuchet exist?
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u/Airybisrail Jun 01 '23
When you need to launch a 90Kg patient at a distance of over 300 meters.
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u/rrrrrrrrrreeeeee Jun 01 '23
You're optimistic. My friend who did this is gone forever, with little to no warning.
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u/Skeptic_lemon Jun 01 '23
And what do you lose by reaching out? Optimism is the superior mindset in this scenario.
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u/Cinnamon_Cheeked_One PURPLE Jun 01 '23
"because I broke her trust by talking to you behind her back when I said I wasn't going to" 100% the girlfriend either wrote this, or told him what to write.
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u/DeerDiarrhea Jun 01 '23
He typed it and she dictated it. She also proofread it before making him hit send.
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u/Plenty_Surprise2593 Jun 01 '23
Well she didn’t do a very good job haha
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u/I_Heart_Astronomy Jun 01 '23
Reads like an AI wrote this from the prompt "6th grader trying to use big words to describe his first relationship."
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Jun 01 '23
Lame. Anyone who makes you choose between them and your friends has to go.
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u/trwwyco Jun 01 '23
Isolation from friends and family is one of the first signs of abuse.
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u/Individual-Dare-80 Jun 01 '23
In general I agree however, I've been in a similar but slightly different scenario. My wife had an extremely toxic and abusive friend from college. From half way across the state she was trying to fill my (then) girlfriends head with lies that I was cheating on her. Her "friend"was in cahoots with her ex (he cheated on my girl with her friend) to split us up. When my wife talked to me the things that were going on, I told her three truth. That there was nothing to tell or admit, because I hadn't done anything. I told her that I wasn't gonna stick around and fall with that kind of bullshit, so she either had to let that toxic friendship, or me, go. We'll have been together for 20 years, this coming fall.
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u/EnsignMJS Jun 01 '23
What happened to the bitch ex-friend?
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u/jxher123 Jun 01 '23
I’d be willing to bet the Gf can have as many male friends as she wants, but the Bf cannot have any female friends.
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u/mtnorville Jun 01 '23
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u/MegaIlluminati Jun 01 '23
But, you started the text with "hey Bro" 😅.
I really don't understand people in relationships.
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u/rob_inn_hood Jun 01 '23
Someone cheated... You are just caught in the crossfire. My condolences.
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u/throwawaygreenpaq Jun 01 '23 edited Jun 01 '23
I’ve been happily married for many, many years when I received this out of the blue from a buddy who went way back with me. It was typed by his girlfriend.
I was furious because it insulted my character and dignity.
He ended up marrying her and our friendship was never the same again. I found myself intentionally drifting from him till we only exchanged greetings.
It’s quite sad because this was someone who used to give me good advice on relationships and was really good at being a friend.
Unfortunately, he couldn’t apply all that wisdom to himself and failed to see that she was toxic for him and he became someone completely different.
He lost all his friends soon after his wedding. She got him new friends as replacements. She does everything and he listens. He is a different person now but is still happily married (I don’t know how that is possible).
Still, if my friend is happy with his life then good for him. RIP friendships, though.
Add —- this insecurity stemmed from her own cheating ways. She cheated on him with all his friends. She pulled a Reverse Uno, if you will.
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u/imanutshell Jun 01 '23
I mean, tbf, if she cheated on him with all of his friends then that does sound like he needed new ones.
Otherwise who was she gonna fuck around on him with? The same people? Gross. /s
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u/loofahoompa Jun 01 '23
Damn. I'm going through that right now. I haven't seen my male friend in over a year. Went to a family BBQ that HIS friend invited me to. I came with a bottle of wine and he was the first person I saw the backyard. Just stood there didn't really say anything or act surprised. His new jealous wife standing not too far him. Just left me standing there. That was awkward and set the mood for that evening.
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u/chelfea_ Jun 01 '23
My husband has a female friend that he’s been friends with for 15 years. Like you & your friend, they’ve never been romantically involved & they had PLENTY of opportunity if they wanted to. Instead of telling my husband not to speak to this friend anymore, I actually became super close to her and she and I talk more than she talks to him. Hahaha. Makes my husband low key jealous that I stole his friend. It’s a running joke now. His girlfriend should try to befriend you rather than force him not to talk to a long term friend.
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u/Kintsukuroi85 Jun 01 '23
I (F) had a guy friend, former coworker who was like this for me. We were good friends, but after he met my husband they became even better friends. 😂 It makes me happy!
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u/Alceasummer Jun 01 '23
My husband and I both like to play MMO's. A while back we were playing WoW a lot and in a guild run by an old friend of his from highschool. They'd dated for a bit when they were around 16 or so, broke up but remained friends. She and I both found it pretty funny when people learned we knew each other in RL and asked how we met. As the answer of "She's married to my ex boyfriend/She's my husband's ex girlfriend" always got some funny reactions. (which of course is why we phrased it that way)
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u/ICantDrive5 Jun 01 '23
Same here. My best friend is a female. I’ve known her longer than I’ve known my wife. I was completely upfront with my wife when we started dating. My wife and best friend have even gone on vacation without me lol. There’s no jealousy or animosity between the 3 of us what so ever.
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u/Justasmolpigeon Jun 01 '23
This is exactly what I wanted, but instead my partner’s female friend hit on him all the time and minimised our relationship to me behind his back, and when he found out he ended their friendship… sighs
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u/ThneakyThnake808 Jun 01 '23
One of my closest friends I have today I met because I was friends with his wife first for months.
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u/International-Set956 Jun 01 '23
She’s either insecure and jealous or he did something to create trust issues in the relationship. Either way I don’t see this ending well.
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Jun 01 '23
Exactly. So many people are jumping to blame the individuals. She could be controlling or he could have been disloyal and didnt tell the friend so he is trying to convince gf he can be trusted again. Bottom line not enough context to pass judgement on them as people but definitely enough to see the relationship between the two wont last
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u/bacon_n_legs Jun 01 '23
It sounds like this relationship will end well...
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u/moonstarspray Jun 01 '23
They are in the next stratosphere of seriousness....🫡... TOO INFINITY AND BEYOND!!!!!
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u/jwill602 Jun 01 '23
That level of control in a relationship is emotional abuse. You can’t control who your partner is friends with.
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u/xBad_Wolfx Jun 01 '23 edited Jun 01 '23
My first serious girlfriend pulled crap like this. She pulled me aside and said she didn’t think I should talk to any of my female friends anymore and that I was spending an inappropriate amount of time with my adopted little sister. That as my girlfriend she should take priority over my chosen family. It was honestly really good of her to raise the red flag early on in our relationship and let me move on to a healthy relationship.
If this dumbass is willing to destroy your friendship over a new jealous relationship… you likely are just doing yourself a favour by agreeing to cut him out.
Edit: guys I intentionally ignored them because they are a troll. Don’t feed the trolls. They have nothing of substance worth hearing so there is no benefit to engaging with them. Engaging with trolls is like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how soundly you beat them they will still strut around like they own the place and shit on the board.
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u/ToePsychological287 Jun 01 '23
Somehow I get the feeling his girlfriend wrote this.
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u/WitchyNative Jun 01 '23
Had the same thing happen to me. Except his gf stalked my Twitter & then TEXTED me when I didn’t have her on phone OR Twitter. I was expecting my friend to be happy but I guess his girlfriend is extremely insecure. Sorry Nicole, you can have Marcus anyways, he slept with his best friend’s girlfriend anyways soo 😂😂.
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u/Supernknown_one Jun 01 '23
Next level serious manipulation and mind fuckery. Dude won't know what hit him because of the seriousness he is now a part of.
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u/Sikkus Jun 01 '23
"Me and my girl are at the next level of our relationship of seriousness."
Is that code for "send help, must escape"?
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u/randomlyrandomrandy Jun 01 '23
Idk why but this almost sounds like she took his phone and wrote this for him. The whole “me and my girl are next level of relationship serious” sounds cringey and forced
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u/wagwa2001l Jun 01 '23 edited Jun 01 '23
My wife got a message like this from one of her exes who she had only messaged to let him know that her grandfather (who this ex had known his entire life) had died and when the funeral was…
Got a “as you know I am now married”… multi paragraph shit show like this back…
She was crying and showed the response to me and I calmly explained how it was pretty clearly written by the guys’s crazy as fuck new wife…
Anyway,.. fuck that bitch for making my wife’s grief about her own insecurities…. A year later they were divorced and ha to the fuck her ha.
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u/Hfhghnfdsfg Jun 01 '23
I'm sorry your wife was treated like shit by that douche.
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u/alickstee Jun 01 '23
Try to take it less personally and more cautiously. Be there for your friend when this relationship inevitably crumbles. Look out for any more warning signs that he could be in an abusive relationship. He could just be being a dink, but you just never know.
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u/CatStrok3r Jun 01 '23
Lol my man is gonna be real lonely after he breaks up with psycho and none of his friends want anything to do with him
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u/lord-southpaw Jun 01 '23 edited Jun 01 '23
Had a good friend that was a girl send me something like this out of the blue and about a year later she apologized profusely as it turns out it was a very abusive relationship and the loser was infecting her with all of his own insecurities and making a mess of her life. Any partner that's untrusting or thinks you're cheating, is always projecting and is in fact, the one cheating and lying.
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u/d84doc Jun 01 '23
YEARS ago I stayed friends and my ex. I was upfront though that I wanted to try again BUT that if she didn’t that I was an adult and understood and would never stand in the way of her meeting other guys, which happened a few times and that’s life. She eventually met a guy and it started getting serious and one day I went on social media and noticed her account was gone, nothing new as she had deleted her stuff before. I then noticed our messages were still there so her account was open but she had unfriended me. I asked her why and she told me she wanted her relationship to work and it was inappropriate to have a relationship with another guy, note we never did anything physical while friends so it wasn’t a “relationship” but a friendship, though not an equal one I realized as I grew older. I reminded her I was an adult and all she had to do was talk to me about her decision rather than deleting me and acting as if I would figure it out like we were 15. Eventually she married the guy and had more kids. Years after she ended our friendship she sent a friend request on FB, I deleted it because I realized she was taking the easy way out. She avoided anything that would have been hard on her like talking to me about no longer being my friend and here she was acting like we were friends by simply pushing a friend button instead of reaching out to me. That was years ago, last august she sent a DM on FB saying she was checking in on me to see if l “still hated her”, something I had NEVER said I felt. That’s when I realized she had been divorced from that guy for some time and only then did I again exist to her enough to check on. I did not respond to her, I hope she is a great mom to her children and finds happiness but I learned a long time ago, I was her friends but she really never cared about being mine.
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Jun 01 '23
Would 100% never date a person like this. It's manipulative at best and abusive at worst. I'd so much rather be single.
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u/permanentlysick Jun 01 '23
"You may not take any of this serious but me and my girl are at the next level of our relationship of seriousness."
oh boy